i'm just a little bundle of fun, ain't i? still...*dances about in high glee* i'm NOT all that dependent! it says so here! yay!

Anyone else think i have an unusually high number of "high" ratings? harps, girl, you is *fukd*.
Neway, i think, maybe, some of this proves the theory that 'disorders' are just symptoms of not fitting in to established social structure and that.

the cat is, again, in the in-tray. she *really* likes it there. nice people are, like, good: rahaeli is the kind of writer i would kill to be. Hey, you think if i killed her, her talent would magically pass into me as the nearest person in close contact? *thwaps self upside heid for reading a few too many highlander crossover fics*

shock news just in: harpy puts up a link she hasn't picked up from someone else: the chris morris thing. Sometimes he's well unfunny, sometimes he's genius. My brother thinks the latter is true always, but then my brother is An Oxbridge Student and Like That. Occasionally, the man personifies squick.

i have learned a new piece of html from 'view source'-ifying. i feel *proud*.

why is it that there are more mood icons for unhappiness, and thus by logical extension more adjectives in this language for varying degrees of misery?
"you've always been dissatisfied..."
me go have fag now. bad nicotine addiction. bad bad bad.

saturday night: radiohead. live. xfm. fireworks.

harpy has now returned to her previous form as drooling radiohead fangirlie. please mind the low-flung NMEs. *swoon*. they played bloody "creep", for christ's sake, and i haven't heard that in ages, and amnesiac and kid a *were* pop albums and i am madly obsessively borderlinepsychotically in love with radiohead so much to the extent that i am putting up with eddy temple-morris chatting le bollokz in the gaps between rare remixes and stuff and i miss my radiohead tapes all of which died ugly and unnecessary deaths on the spools of successive walkmans (walkmen, even).
And i remember, i remember playing exit music for a film on the upright piano at my aunt and uncle's in the wrong key and crashing down on each note and my voice cracking and *still* crying at the music and the way it hit me.
I remember sally (whose story has to be told, someday) taping the romeo and juliet soundtrack for me and then taking me to see it, that way round because i never watched films but i had to see the moment where talk show host starts and dicaprio (who was pretty and able to act back then, and where is he now?) is damn cool, backlit smoking by the sun rising or setting, i forget which.
I remember trying to play anyone can play guitar on teh guitar and failing *miserably* but i could play thinking about you and i used to sing it constantly, i sung it at that time when we met elias who was a gorgeous guitarist who got into some backing band and was gonna make it big and then he died.
I remember lucky on the warchild help album, and the way the noise rises like angels pleading for the souls in purgatory and you feel as if the world is going to burst out shining and it's gonna be a glorious day it's gonna be a glorious day.
I remember arguing with my brother about whether it was unborn children or chickens and it turned out to be chikkens and i sulked because i was wrong, and getting the hhgtg connection and naming my bass marvin.
I remember the paranoid android video, and staying up watching robin on occasions after that, and i remember buying a crappy cheapo ripoff tshirt with "radiohead: ok computer" on it which had some cartoon guy who looked like robin but wasn't him on it, and getting a proper honest-to-god "uk not ok" okcomp tshirt after that.
I remember first seeing the just video and absolutely *thrilling* to it and eventually getting work experience at the company jamie thraves worked for.
I remember fake plastic trees - i think - being on that mtv fresh tape which also had pj harvey's down by the water and edwyn collins' a girl like you on it.
I remember meeting people is easy and the music videos tape sitting next to one another and i used to watch and rewatch them, and missing meeting people... at the soundbytes film festival in sheffield and being absolutely *gutted*.
I remember finding a radiohead interview in my old cutup bjork copy of vox and just rerereading it like an idiot, and some interview had them asking them to tell a joke to disprove the miserable buggers image, and i think it was the "adam and eve in garden of eden" one i still tell.
I remember getting the last ok computer poster in vintage magazines, as it was then, in camden, and it was huge and i got it for three quid instead of six and carried it home and just *awed* at having it on my wall.
I remember sitting on an aeroplane with "the bends" playing on my walkman, and just giggling inanely and having to explain why i kept snorting to myself.
I remember playing with the scaryartificialvoice programme on the old computer trying to get it to say "fitter happier" and settling for abuse of margaret thatcher since it wasn't the right voice, not at all.
I remember writing the lyrics of fitter happier in thick thick black pen across the back of my refill pads.
I remember wanting to hear pop is dead and to this day not.
i rememner laughing out loud at the sight of radiohead performing creep in america way back when when their hair was universally crap.
i remember fancying thom yorke despite his lazy eye and despite the fact that johnny greenwood was the one with the pinup cheekbones and nail varnish.
I remember - how could i forget - the new wave of new grave, and when geneva (bless) were the new radiohead, and when travis (*early* travis, kids, all i wanna do is rock travis) were the new radiohead and u16 girls was classness but so unradiohead that i felt superior to the hacks high on hyperbolehyde, while radiohead were the new u2, and then when muse were the new travis and i sniggered.
I remember buying the airbag minialbum and loving palo alto and singing it's just one of those days when the sky is california blue at ceeds in the springthrusummer and getting her hooked on it though she'd never heard the song until i put it on a compilation tape for her, along with joan jett and some rare rachel stamp and god knows what else. And singing polyethylene in every chemistry lesson in which plastics were mentioned, kinds that could be melted and kinds that couldn't or whatever it was (all the chemistry i know slipping away from me).
I remember running up to my room and playing pablo honey REALLY LOUD because no-one in my family liked it - my brother thought it was inferior to bends and my parents, well, were my parents - and shouting along and banging into walls and furniture.
I remember being the radiohead fan while everyone around me was smashing pumpkins fans.
I remember buying both cds of el president, one for my brother and one for me, and that you barely heard of drugstore after that, but i found the record again and put it on a compilation tape last summer.
I remember taping paranoid android off steve lamacq on its first playing, at the end of sally's romeo and juliet soundtrack tape; i remember my brother taping kid a off xfm when it was playing in its entirety with only a few filler words to prevent the songs being put out on the net in full.
I remember, at London Schools Symphonic Band and LS Concert Orchestra camp, playing no surprises with Elle, and then later Louise and Hannah as well, us two percussion girls at first on vibraphone and glockenspiel and then timpani or whatever there was there, singing along in the gym where we practiced and someone standing above on the balcony and commenting and me surpised and embarrased and slightly proud at our having been heard.
I remember crying, a lot. I used to cry to radiohead all the time, not because it depressed me but because it was the only thing i would cry to, the words or the tunes or something would *hit* me and i'd yowl into the singing, my voice cracking and my eyes tearing up, and the rest of the time i was hard and dismissive and able to ignore and repress everything.

God, I remember. Where did that me go?

I miss her.