those things are liquid crack, kids. don't do it

On which note, i saw a poster on the tube today. It said:

helicon, the lounge. Seifer drops a letter in Xu's lap, in passing.

Seifer: Your girl wants to rescue you from my evil clutches. Feel proud.

Xu: She's like that. *A tiny smile appears on her face, which she covers with both hands*

Seifer: *raises his hands to massage Xu's shoulders, briefly* No, really?

He pats her on the head and wanders off to his room, whistling.

Hilde: Umm... correct me if i'm wrong, but weren't you two just arguing?

Xu: Uh-huh. He's plotting something. Ooh, look, Squall was claiming to be untouched by his behaviour toward cbSquall. Probably something to do with that. *stretches* he's got /good/ hands, though.

Hilde raises an eyebrow.

Xu: *defensive* What? He has. It's just one of those things. Bad SeeD, good masseause. Anyway, you and Noin... so how is that explained by canon?

Hilde: Barely is. We think it's Harpy's latent incest kink coming out.

Xu: Latent? From what I heard among the origfic muses, it's not exactly latent. Anyway, you're not related.

Hilde: some random comment about me being a young version of her set it off... anyway, we're the closest to sisterslash Harpy's got.

Xu: You seen her at all today?

Hilde: I saw Mnem this morning... why?

Xu: Well, I was thinking me could maybe get a phone line installed? Or something? Just for a bit of inter-brain communication...

helicon, the lounge. Seifer is reading this at the table, a wide smile on his face. cbSquall sits opposite, watching mtv2 and braiding the hair of the cross-legged Duo on the floor in front of him.

Seifer: I love that girl. Why can't we just leave here and take up her brain instead?

cbSquall: Sure. Abandon me. See if /I/ care.

Duo: The rabid guard dogs'll get you, and then you'll be stuck in the muse quarantine labs. They do /nasty/ things there. Try it. You'll come back a refreshingly new muse - if you come back at all.

Seifer: *ignores Duo* You've got this lot - and star.

cbSquall: She's busy consoling Xu.

Seifer: /Consoling/? Is /that/ what they'[re calling it nowadays?

cbSquall: Don't be dense, Almasy. Harpy forgot to bring Xu's fic up with here when she came here, so star's trying to set her up with another one in the interim.

Duo: That girl just swans in here expecting to be ficced /constantly/. Doesn't she realise that other people have needs?

Seifer: Doesn't /Harpy/ realise /I/ have needs? All the time she's spending in this bloody backwater she's not even scening me, let alone /writing/. She's just going off to watch burly rugby-playing straight village boys jumping into rivers and laughing at themn from the bank. Or looking after /animals/. There's dog hair everywhere, all over the sofas, even on my clothes. It's worse than living with /Rinoa/

Duo: *hissed intake of breath* Don't let her hear you say that, or you really won't get ficced. And if you are, it'll be to digital-fucking-getdown.

cbSquall: You lived with Rinoa?

Seifer: She /wouldn't/.

Duo: She /would/. She tried with me, until I warped it back into hatesmut, and then she gave up when I started enjoying it. Look, all you have to do is find a song that every time she hears it she gets an irresistable compulsion to write you. I mean, just the opening chords of Stutter and she's... *catches Seifer's sudden smirk* no. No. I'm the only bitchfic elsatica muse she's got, Almasy, and it's staying that way.

cbSquall: You can't, actually. Doesn't work. That Squall would never allow himself to get drunk and come crawling to you...

Seifer: More the kind of thing /you/'d do.

cbSquall: It'd wreck your continuity. (beat) You lived with Rinoa?

Seifer: Who gives a shit about my continuity? I've had it up to /here/ with being laid aside for fucking Xu and her sappy, smug, morningafter yuri. I need to be written, dammit!

Duo: *consoling pat* Don't we all, Seifer, don't we all.

cbSquall: ... You lived with /Rinoa/?